Capricious

Too many things are happening these days, right? My mind is like a whirlpool, drawing whatever issues/emotions and then dumping them on me like I’m strong enough to swim against the ‘current’. Only that I am not. haha.

A lot of people have been talking about mental health/depression on social media lately. I’m happy to see friends who have won their own battles and are brave enough to admit that they are struggling and are owning and taking control of it. It’s also nice to see that this is now being highlighted because it is something that we need to have conversations about.

I’m not clinically depressed, but I feel like I also have a lot of internal battles that I deal with, almost every day. Maybe I haven’t talked to someone yet, probably because I’m afraid this will just be “one of those moments” for my friends; or it’s just James being James. I know I’m a drama queen, and an overly sensitive person; but I also know that my feelings are valid.

Or maybe, I just don’t know what to say or talk about. There are times (like today) when I just feel so downtrodden or defeated or sad, but I cannot identify the reason why. As I said, it’s like a whirlpool – so many things contribute to what I’m feeling and it’s not good.

I guess what I’m really trying to say is that sure, you see the carefully curated Instagram accounts; the witty and funny Facebook posts; but do you really understand what’s going on inside?

If I tell the world that I am sad, would anybody really care? Well, apart from the “hugs” or “everything will be fine” comments, will someone take his/her time to talk to me? Probably send me a message, give me a call to check on me or something. Does anybody still do that? I guess not – especially fake friends.

There are people who constantly talk to me, tell me stories about their lives and all those bullshits – but they never really asked me how I’ve been doing. Why bother? To them, I served my purpose – I listened to whatever they had to say. That’s what good people do, right?

Ugh. I’m just tired.

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