thought dump while fighting the urge to sleep at work

I am super sleepy. And since I don’t really like drinking coffee, I don’t know what I can do to fight this. I hate not being able to sleep early and waking up even if I haven’t had enough zzzz’s yet.

PEACE

Did you know that the opposite of peace is fear? I was in a “carers” (sort of) convention yesterday, where Unilab (pharmaceutical company) and various organizations – including #MentalHealthPH – gathered all those who are taking care of people (mostly with mental illnesses). As part of LoveyourselfPh, I was asked by our clinic coordinator to attend. So even if I slept late the previous night (coz I watched Binibining Pilipinas and frontrunner Catriona Grey emerged as the victor); I had to wake up early the next day to be there. The event had a mass (YES, and I haven’t been to Church for more than a year now – don’t ask); and the priest told us about this peace-fear thing. In a way, it is true. Those who are afraid of losing something aren’t always at peace. While those who have peace in their hearts do not fear anything.

I will have to pause here because I lost my train of thought; and I am now awake. Lol.

FADE

If you were given a choice – whether to stand out or fade into the background, what would you choose? If I was still in my twenties, I would’ve wanted to stand out (not that I don’t, I have a feeling that I do jk). But now that I am a bit older, I want to just be part of “the ones that observe” cue: Circus by Britney. Why? Because standing out is not always a good thing – people (even the ones you are friends with) will always have something to say. Such is the case of my life right now, I am fading in some people’s radar. I feel that if people want to be with you, they will exert an effort to reach out. Relationships are always two-way; if you’re the only one doing something, maybe it’s time to rethink and assess the situation. Some things are not worth keeping.

 Blank

Taylor Swift made it clear that love’s a game. But it is so effed up that everytime I stumble upon something (or someone), this person becomes – for the lack of a better description – my next mistake. I met someone – turns out he’s taken. It’s a vicious cycle – and this time, I was able to stop before anything progresses. I don’t know how people do it nowadays. I was out with a friend the other day and he was telling me that I shouldn’t be afraid to initiate – something that I’ve done before, but it didn’t really turn out well for me. The game is changing. I don’t know how to play it anymore. Taylor, I need your help.

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3 Comments

  1. i’ve stopped going to church, too. not something i’m proud of for sure but i’m somehow struggling to get back on that path. i still pray, though which is ironic (or is it the saving grace? i’m not even sure). i don’t follow the show but catriona grey showed up on my instafeed and i think the girl is GORGEOUS. i’ve been following your posts on work and man, do i relate SO hard. maybe it’s something about the season…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. awww.. Someone told me that Mercury is in retrograde (I don’t know what that means, but it seems like it affects our moods haha). And yes. Somehow, I believe that keeping the faith is important and that my personal relationship with God would suffice. There are times that I find going to church a bit dragging so I just use whatever time I have on other things (like volunteering, which is of course, a good deed). Of course, I would like to go back and attend Sunday mass or something, but maybe the timing is not right yet.

      Like

      1. i think just making time to communicate is already the battle won. although, i was once told in a bid to insult me that i’m just a “convenient catholic” so maybe i’m not the best person to be passing these comments. though, truth be told (and this may be very selfish of me), i’m really glad that i’m not the only one who’s feeling this way and experiencing this shift.

        Liked by 1 person

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