Holiday Rant

‘Tis the season for reunions, gatherings of various social circles, and catch-ups with long lost friends. But it got me thinking – are we really doing these things to reconnect, or are there connections no longer strong that the only thing that keeps them together is an annual gathering of some sort during the Holidays?

I felt that way. You see, I’m the type of person who has thousands of Facebook friends, but I only keep a few trusted ones in my circle (my core group as I’d like to call them).

I’ve turned down a couple of “Christmas get together invites” because I no longer wanted to connect with people. Aside from my Facebook posts or the things I chose to share on my social media accounts – what else do they really know about me? Ever since I kind of censored my Internet posts, the things you’d find on my pages are just poorly captioned photos that never really give someone an idea on how I think / function / go about my daily life. Never have these people asked me how I was; and I drifted away from them as well.

 

I don’t feel the longing to be in their groups anymore. Seeing them happily eating dinner together no longer make me wish that I was there.

I don’t hate them, oh no. Or maybe at times I do – some of these friends have a history of last minute cancellations or change of plans. At least I’m happy that I don’t get to feel stressed thinking if our meetings would be cancelled coz I already said I couldn’t go.

Then there are friends whose lives have moved on a path that was so different from mine that I don’t know where to stand whenever I’m with them. Take, for example, my high school friends. Almost all of them are married and whenever we meet up, they’d always talk about children, family matters, babies and the likes – which, I don’t have anything to share (and I get bored if I just listen or if the topic just doesn’t interest me).

But I don’t hate them. Life just goes on. And we all sail to different directions. It’s not like I could freely talk about my HIV advocacy in front of their children, or give out condoms and lecture about safe sex in front of their husbands. Haha.

Such is life.

So now, I choose my core group – the ones who know me inside and out; who, even if they are away, knows what is happening in my life (and vice versa). Because I know that they are the ones who would come running whenever you ask for help. And it’s nice if you spend great times with these people.

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