a Sad Goodbye

I never wanted to start the week on a sad note, but things happen and today, one of my doormates/floormates (during first year college) passed away.

I still remember the guy being so bubbly and perky and bibo (not sure what the English term for this, but I’d go with a little bit too proactive haha). He was one of those people whom I knew was one of us (gays), though he never admitted that he was (at least during the first two years of college). He was bright, so full of promise. I believe he

was the valedictorian of their high school class.

A few days ago, we received news that he was in the hospital due to liver failure which was caused by his tuberculosis medicines. And then there were calls for blood donors and then the next thing I knew was someone sent me a message saying that he died of cardiac arrest and lung failure and other complications.

It was so sudden. He was so young (32, if I am not mistaken); and based on the outpouring of posts in his Facebook page, I’d say

he was loved. I actually only had a few memories of him – we’ve been dormmates for just a year. Most of them were fun ones, some were crazy stupid shit that college freshmen cliques would normally do. But I would remember him as one who always had a smile in his face, who had a very positive attitude despite sometimes being labelled as a drama queen (not as dramatic as I was).

May he rest in peace.

And then there’s more….

These posts in his account made me think – why do people do this when the person is no longer there to see it? Why do they share memories and nice words, when the one they are remembering can no longer know that? I mean, sure there may be an afterlife or something, but the person or the soul or the spirit or whatever wouldn’t be able to go to Facebook and check who posted in his wall?

Wouldn’t it make more sense if we post memories and words of love everyday? I’m not saying that what they

are doing is wrong – maybe it’s a way for these people to deal with the grief.. But I’d rather people post memories and happy moments while everyone else is still alive and would know that they are loved..

Never wait until it is too late, right?

Maybe I’ll start that one. At least my Facebook feed would be filled with happy and loving thoughts rather than political rants and bickering.

And then there’s this harsh reality that his partner had to deal with. Given that there is no law here that recognizes same sex relationships, the partner who stayed with him day and night – 24/7 – for more than a month, had to agree with my dormmate’s family’s request that the wake shAll be held in their hometown. I guess, that’s alright, but for friends and people who have also been part of the other half of his life here in Manila – that would be hard.

As much as the partner would like to

have at least one night of wake or at least a moment for the Manila based people to pay their respects, he had to agree with the family’s request. It’s just sad because he had no say; he’s relegated to a role similar to that of a friend, or worse a roommate.

That’s the problem when you have no laws to protect you or your partnership. I feel bad that it has to happen. Maybe one day it will all change. Or maybe not. I still have hope, though.


I’m scared of elevators and train rides
Of doors closing
Of origins and destinations

I’m scared of airports and terminals
Of bus stops and transportation in general
Of leaving and parting

I’m scared of being just your memory
Because you’re already a part of me

I’m scared to be alone
Because I will never be whole

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