It’s the 29th of February!!!! I just have to document this day on Dayre, after all, it’s the reason why it’s day X Of 366 hahah!!!
That’s an extreme closeup of my freshly cleaned (just got out of the shower) face…
But what on earth should I talk about, when I have not done anything interesting today?
Oh. I know.
I think I have self-esteem issues
The other day, someone complimented me for having a nice set of teeth. Instead of thanking her, I went on with saying that it’s not really perfect, I’m missing one and I’m having gaps on the lower part and I have impacted wisdom tooth.
What’s the problem with me? Or is it just natural for people to think lowly of themselves? Clearly, I am not fishing for more compliments..
I guess, you can blame it on a culture that values a certain standard of beauty. I have talked and ranted about how
well, for the lack of a better term, ugly I would feel when I get rejected on Grindr/Tinder. I would just think that maybe, I’m not really beautiful in these people’s eyes.. I’m not the “in” thing right now, I’m not Mr. Muscles nor Mr. Skinny… I don’t think I can even categorize myself now.
There was a time when I tried – I went to the gym, almost got the body I wanted… But it all came with a price – a hefty amount of cash, if you may ask. Gym memberships in the PH are so damn high.
And then there was the diet – which I really, really did not even stick to. So I just stopped, and told myself, maybe this isn’t really worth it. Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this to be noticed by someone.. So I just did the things I loved – eating is one of them – hence, the bulging belly. I could list that as number one in my insecurities (I’ve got a number of them, mind you).
Well, I am not really posting this just to draw pitiful reactions from those who read my posts.
I just want to, like the picture above, come clean with the things that have been bugging me – as stupid as they may sound.
I am not perfect – aside from the bulging belly,could list down 10 things right now that I sort of don’t like about myself:
1) I sometimes talk too much, you know when you’re in a group chat and you can’t stop blabbering about something and then you just realize no one’s replying anymore
2) I am overly sensitive
3) At times, I become a doormat. But.. Well.. Yeah..
4) I am losing my hair 😦
5) I am not a techie
6) I don’t know how to cook (except those instant things)
7) I have weak eyes.. I used to be cross eyed when I was young (not the severe one)
8) I am a cheapskate.. But never a freeloader
9) I do judge other people (silently or with close friends)
10) I don’t consider myself a master of anything
But sometimes, I don’t really have a problem with confidence
I don’t know where I get it or where it started, but when I’m in a better mood (which is almost always the case), you can count on me to: talk to strangers, say hi to cute guys, do cartwheels and jumpshots wherever I wanted to, raise my voice to customer service (even if the person is right in front of me), be extremely grumpy when not being served properly in a restaurant… And a lot more..
I’m the type who doesn’t usually need that extra boost of confidence.
It’s both a blessing and a curse – blessing since I can adapt to any situation I put myself into; curse because people would think of me as an arrogant, thick faced beyotch.
But how do I deal with these things? How do I approach strangers? Or complain about stuff in a way that won’t really offend anyone?
I guess, the smiling face really works. I do have a resting bitch face, but in times when that extra confident person is needed – I put on that charming persona haha!
You can ask my friends – I’m always the one who ends up talking and negotiating to get things our way. Maybe my talkativeness isn’t a bad thing after all, eh?
So what did I learn today?
I guess listing down those things (and please don’t say that I’m not this or that) made me realize some of the qualities that I can improve on; some I could slowly change for something better.
It is never too late to change right? Tomorrow is the start of another month, and I hope that We could all enjoy it and the rest of this leap year! 😁
Here is a guide that I found on the net:
So Exercise should really be a part of my life hahaha.
Maybe I could go back to jogging? And lifting light weights? Haha. I can already imagine the battle that would happen inside my head.. Do I wake up and workout or sleep and dream some more? Gah. God help me 😅