Truth be told, I was still hoping when I went there. But at the back of my mind, I knew I wouldn’t leave the place unscathed.
Maybe it was fate, or maybe, it was God’s way of telling me that he really doesn’t give a fuck about me. It was an expensive eye-opener. Do I regret going there? No.
At that very moment when our eyes met, I knew there was nothing else I could do to win him back. Or at the very least, be his friend. Whatever his reasons were, I would never know.
Maybe someday, I would still wonder and ask why. But right now, maybe he just doesn’t want me to be part of his life. It’s like I never existed; or our friendship (if there was any) never really mattered.
I know it was stupid to chase after him. But in hindsight, it was still worth it. I enjoyed being with friends and seeing new things. He maybe the reason why I went there, but what I got from that trip was more than I could wish for.
I didn’t get any closure or whatever. It should have been clear to me right from the start – I was never his type.
I’m far from perfect, not even beautiful to any gay man’s standards. And yet, I chose to live this way of life; to act and behave the way I do. Maybe it’s just too much for him (or for any other guy I used to throw myself into).
Sometimes, life just sucks like that. But should I let it bring me down? Nah. I still choose to be happy. If love comes, then yay. If not, there are a lot of things I could be happy about. At the end of the day, you decide how you should feel.