happiness is a choice

Last Friday night, I reunited with some of my DKS teammates, together with a couple of their new hires. It was a great, something that reminded me of the fun times I had with the team.

I would not deny that I miss them. After all, I spent almost four years of my mid twenties life with a good and fun company.

I miss the parties, the boys, the overtime pay, the drama. I miss everything..

I guess, you can say that I used to be a fun person. Heck, somebody even told me that everybody wanted to be friends with me.

But things have changed.

Gone were the days when I could just take my clothes off and post things like this one on Facebook

Or maybe drape myself with some cloth, put on some makeup and glare at the camera.

Or wear this shirt to the office.

The thing is, it was a decision I made when I moved. I do not regret it, and I do not think it is making me unhappy. Yes, I miss the fun-loving, Not giving A f. person I used to be. But that was just part of who I was before.

Because if I still behaved that way, I would not be taken seriously. I understand that. I understand when they said I was not ready because I was not focused enough.

I know how it felt – having to prove yourself to people.

The greatest pleasure in life is in doing what people say you cannot do

This was my motto ever since high school. I am used to this – people thinking I’m not good enough, I’m too gay or too loud, or not mature enough.

That’s the reason why I chose to change how I act/behave. But that does not mean I AM NOT HAPPY.

I am happy. I love what I’m doing, and this is not me trying to convince myself.

Yes I miss my Fun filled days at DKS, but that doesn’t mean I became an entirely different person.

I am still the same.

It just does not feel right to be thirty and still act like you’re 25.

Again, if I have to reiterate : i love my job. I like the people I work with. I have no plans of leaving (yet). I feel that what I do is helping me grow.

And if people think I am unhappy because I don’t talk that much or I am not beaming with excitement every single day, then I’d like to channel my 25 year old self and say, the fuck do You care?!

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